she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
