At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
