I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize