Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
