The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
