Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
