God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
