Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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