Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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