i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ladies don't puke and tell
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
