Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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