I just saw a hot homeless man
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
