I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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