Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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