you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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