I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
