The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
