If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my shit smells like andre
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
