I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
