just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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