i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
