sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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