I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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