she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
