i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
