This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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