Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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