I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
