Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i came on her dog
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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