I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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