I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize