New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize