Soap is not a condiment
Pants 0. Shit 1.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
