"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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