On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize