I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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