You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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