My Higher Power is John Stamos
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize