ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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