is your mom at the bar?
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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