are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
