Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
