Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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