just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
