giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
