So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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