The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
