If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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