i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize