***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
