Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
