Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
