you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
