I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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