i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
