He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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