im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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