So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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