u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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