Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
