He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
